It feels as if time gets away from me. Where do the hours, minutes, seconds go? The world must be spinning out of control, and time is slipping away, faster and faster.
I do not have to be anywhere. I do not have to worry about time, yet it seems to run my life. I want more hours in the day. I don’t have enough minutes in the day to complete all the tasks I want to do.
I get side-tracked. I have so many plans, and things I want to do each day. Yet, I look up and the day is gone. Where did it go? What have I accomplished? Is it really time for dinner? Wasn’t it just morning a few minutes ago?
Why I am a prisoner of the clock eludes me. When I worked outside of the home, time seemed to creep by. Eight hours seemed like a lifetime. Now, it feels like time runs on high, skipping minutes, hours, days.
I want more time. I want to be able to do more things I enjoy. I want to paint, write, and read. My daily tasks, that I must do to keep myself in a routine, have to be complete. If not, I have failed for the day.
Part of my Borderline Personality Disorder has caused me to have a sense of OCD. Things have to be done, order must be followed. It is structure that keeps me grounded. Without it, I would live in complete chaos. I do not like chaos. It causes anxiety. Anxiety and I are not friends, although it seems to like to visit me often.
My days seem to fly by. Where did all seven days go? Has something changed to cause time to flash by like a lightning strike? The clock is my enemy, I don’t want to look at it. Yet, it runs my life.
Maybe I will hide all the clocks. I won’t look at the time. I will just be, and do what I want when I want.
Right! I am going to set my alarm in the morning, so I can gain some more time!